LORD, DRAW ME CLOSER TO YOU!

So, lately I just don't feel like I can get close enough to God.  I have downloaded books and I have started two different reading plans for reading the Bible.  I'm not one that can just do it on my own.  I have to have the structure of a plan.  I'm a night owl so I do my reading and studying at night before I go to bed, as that is when it's easier for me to focus.  All the kids are in bed and there are no distractions. 

The Bible says to pray without ceasing.  I have noticed that I'm praying more than I think I ever have.  Standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes, riding down the road on the way to work or home from work, while riding my 4wheeler on the dirt roads.  I try to pray anytime I can.  Prayer can be done anytime.  It can be aloud, silent or written in a journal.  God just wants us to talk to Him, to include Him in our lives.  There are so many times that we should go to Him, and we just don't take time to.

One of the studies that I'm doing is by Joyce Meyer: Promises for your Everyday Life - a Daily Devotional.  I'm not usually a fan of hers, but I am enjoying her daily devotional.  The other study is called the Discipleship Journal's Book-at-a-Time Reading Plan.  It is designed to read thru the Bible in a year. It started out in Genesis and it's 3 chapters and then a chapter in Psalms at the end of each day.  Sometimes, I will stop at 1 day and sometimes I read more than one day.

Right now, I'm reading about Jacob & Esau.  They were twins and were pretty much rivals from the beginning.  Always in competition with each other.  Selling birth-rites to the other one. Always one jealous of what the other was doing or what the other had or would have.  Things are like this still in today's time.  People can't just be happy for you if you have something, they tend to be jealous and they will do their best to destroy you and take your happiness from you and/or just make your life plain miserable.

I know that I need LOTS of work to get me to where I need to be.  I feel like that at my age, I should know much more than I know.  I mean, I was raised in the Pentecostal church after all.. I'm not sure why, but I have a hard time retaining information.  I guess that is part of the ADD (self diagnosed from the internet research- going to doctors ain't my thing), I tend to get distracted really easily.  My nursing student daughter will love that fact!   

I am back to listening to nothing but my Christian music, even while I'm at work all day I have my Spotify on my Praise & Worship music, I feel like if I surround myself God, then I will have an easier time.  I have to do everything I can to keep myself focused.  Even down to my t-shirts.  I know sometimes my way of thinkin' is crazy, but I do whatever I have to do make sure I am doing right.  I have even noticed that my mouth has improved in a huge way! I am not having to watch myself so hard to make sure that I do use the profanity.  Anybody that knows me, knows that is definitely one of my shortcomings.   I'm not one of those who can live both worlds.  I am either in church and living right or I'm completely out.  Ain't no riding the fence for me.  Can't have it both ways.  Either you live totally for God or you will be spewed out.  The Bible says so, ain't no lukewarm in Heaven. 

If you are reading this and you are a Christian, please keep me in your prayers that my heart and my mind will be opened and that the information and Love of God will flow in and that I will understand what I'm reading and learn and retain.  I wanna be like a sponge and soak up everything that God has for me!